schlitt.info - php, photography and private stuff
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:Author: 		Tobias Schlitt
:Date:			Wed, 19 Nov 2008 23:29:46 +0100
:Revision: 		1
:Copyright:		CC by-nc-sa


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Klingon Programmers
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:Description:
    Did you ever talk to a Klingon programmer? If not, get a little
    impression, what their attitude is like...

Did you ever talk to a Klingon programmer? If not, get a little impression,
what their attitude is like...

    A TRUE Kling on Warrior does not comment his code!

    By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family.
    Prepare to die!

    You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

    Our competitors are without honor!

    Specifications are for the weak and timid!

    This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle
    with this code!

    Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!

    Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it
    and let them flee like the dogs they are!

    My program has just dumped Stova Core!

    Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever
    lived!

    State-of-the-art hardware is a prerequisite to do battle with code.

    One cannot truly appreciate "Dilbert" without reading it in the original
    Klingon.

    Indentation is for enemy skulls, not code.

    Klingons do not "release" software. Klingon software escapes, leaving a
    bloody trail of design engineers and quality assurance people in its path.

    Klingon function calls have no parameters. They have arguments! And they
    always win them.

    Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are
    good for building character in the user.

    Quality Assurance issues are best solved with a Batleth.

    A true Klingon warrior does not comment his code.

    Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense.
    Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.

    Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

    I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth
    contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.

    Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code,
    keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.

    Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.

    Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon
    program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat
    and owns the machine.


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